I laugh at myself. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I went to my search engine and typed the letter “A” and her url pops up. I have been avoiding to go to her Tumblr for a week now. The last time that I went on it, she was bragging about the new her . The one that now makes her happy. The one that now she loves waking up to. I felt myself slowly dying again. I thought that all the feelings were gone but realistically speaking my defense mechanism is accustomed to coping with shit in an unhealthy way. I bury deep in this box that resides in my subconscious all the things that make me feel uncomfortable in any way possible. So I found myself having a pretty shitty fucking week because decided to dwell on the fact that she moved on. That she moved on to someone new, and now that this someone is who I used be. 

I know it’s all about will power and having the strength to go against temptation but goddamn I am curious and tempted to see how blossoming this new relationship is, even though it will be harming to do so.

You know what they say…”Curiosity killed the cat” and I am one curious pussy.